I’m About To Save You From A Potentially Crappy Date


Ah, dating.

As I mentioned before, I haven’t been dating much lately. There’s that tired adage when it comes to the dating pool that there are many ‘fish in the sea’. For me, however, the water is poisoned. While I personally haven’t had much luck, I have advice for all of you brave enough to wade through the muck and a surefire way that you can gracefully make your escape as quickly as a ninja with a smoke bomb.

1. Go to a coffee shop

Nowadays, we’re doing most of our dating through online means, but it still doesn’t give us a good idea about the kind of person we’re about to be faced with. I’ve met really creative texters who, upon meeting, have been complete duds who couldn’t hold a conversation if their life depended on it. On the flip side, I’ve met people with crappy texting skills that have been more interesting than their writing lead me to believe. The point is, you never know. So, go to a coffee shop, even if you don’t have a taste for the stuff. It’s a nice, quiet place to talk at a reasonable hour.

2. Order a small tea

It HAS to be a tea. This step is crucial.

3. Enjoy your date!

Now, here’s the beautiful part about ordering a tea. Your date has however long it takes for you to get through the typical 12 oz. of tea to be interesting. If they’re not, you’re only out a couple bucks and less than an hour. If they are, you can go to the counter and get more hot water because that shit’s free.

If it’s a particularly bad date, your date has until however long it takes you to shotgun hot water. Scream after you do it for added effect. Let the tears pour as you announce your departure. Your bad date will either think you’re a badass or crazy.

But who cares what your date thinks?

You’ll be miles away with your burning esophagus reclaiming your time.

High five!

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