When I originally wrote this post, I was in a no fucks given mode, clearly. I was in such a state that my roommate said I was Kira “No Fucks Given” Sparkles and he liked that side of me. I have to admit, I did too. I dove so deep into my own vulnerability that instead of being raw, I felt indestructible. I felt that, in that state, what else could possibly hurt me? In that state, I felt like there really was nowhere to go, but the only way to get out of the weird headspace I found myself in was to grip onto the one thing that kept me sane and not let go.
Hence, my writing.
I always hesitated to call myself a writer. I dug my heels and rebelled hard against the word even if it was exactly what I was doing. To me, the word ‘writer’ felt as pretentious as the word ‘artist’ and I couldn’t claim either of those titles because when I write I just say shit and hope for the best. Apparently, that’s been in my favor though, and people seem to like that about me.
Back in December, my roommate had a heart to heart where he asked me what I really wanted to do and writing was the first thing that came to mind.
After my dad died, it solidified that stance.
So I decided to embrace the title of writer and took it to LinkedIn because maybe I could see what I could potentially do with this writing thing. The answer is a lot, apparently.
LinkedIn is like meeting an over-eager entrepreneur that just wants to help you make your dreams become a reality.
Me: I want to be a writer.
LinkedIn: Oh HELL YES! What kind of writer?! A technical writer? A staff writer? How about a creative writer? Oh shit, I got some jobs on deck where you could be a scriptwriter!
Me: Damn, that all sounds really nice! Which ones do I qualify for?
LinkedIn: Exactly none of them, but if you do this list of shit, you might, fam!
The writing journey over the last six months has been an arduous one, but like any journey, I also feel like it’s an evolving one. I’ve written a novel, published a few articles and wrote a pilot for a script and honestly? I’ve enjoyed all those mediums. Some more than others, but still. Doing all those things felt like taking a handful of darts and throwing them one by one, over and over knowing that eventually, I’m going to hit the middle. With each dart thrown, I know I’m eventually going to hit something.
And in a lot of ways I have.
But when I zoom in on that target I’ve been trying so desperately to hit, I realize that coming into focus is another target inside that target. (Targetception?)
Life is filled with targets though. And I think the difference between this target and any others targets that I’ve faced is that I fucking care enough to keep firing my arrows at this one.
And there might be a new, more difficult shot to take within that, but I care enough to keep shooting my shot. It’s worth my time. It’s worth trying for.
At the end of the day, everyone should have their own target. The question is, what’s yours?