How to Care Less When You Care Too Much

photography of man raising both hands

There are way too many people out there that will tell you getting older sucks, but don’t listen to them. Getting older is awesome. Every year that I gain, a single fuck that I gave drops off of me like a moth on fire. When you get older, you start realizing where to allot your daily fucks.

I was having a discussion via Instagram Live where I was talking about being single and how I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a relationship again. Not because I’ve given up, just because no one’s caught my eye. Also, I’m statistically proven to live longer as a single woman outside of a relationship so that’s a bonus. Therefore, I embrace the single life.

For the most part, people understood, but then there’s that one person. Because it’s always that one person. You know. Why did they feel a certain way for me going against the grain of society? For finding happiness in solitude? Who knows, but they got deep in their feelings.

baby child close up crying

Maybe an older iteration of me would have tried to assuage them, but I know who I am and I know what I’m about. As I’ve said before, I’m a Taurus woman in her thirties and no one’s gonna tell me shit. This is one of those times.

When I realized how little I cared, I felt a surge of power flood through my veins. It’s probably akin to how Mario feels when he grabs the invincibility star. It’s as good as the Final Fantasy victory battle dance. It’s the moment when you realize you hit a new level in life.

That shit you may have cared about as a teen or in your twenties? Maybe even that shit you gave a fuck about last year? Nope. If you feel like you still give too much of a fuck, don’t worry. Just like life it’s a process, but here’s a little handy-dandy guide to put you in the right direction.

Konmari Your Life


Marie Kondo is an absolutely precious human being who wrote an awesome book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. It’s a book that center on minimalism and de-cluttering. If it doesn’t spark joy, get rid of it. You can of course apply that to your things, but I’d extend that to the rest of your life as well. Terrible inner talk. Terrible friends. Shit ass partners. Throw the WHOLE thing away. You deserve better which leads me to my next point.

Prioritize Yourself

This feeling without breaking the bank.

It’s not stingy to think about yourself or your best interests. It’s self care. It’s self preservation. One can’t pour from an empty cup. If the people around you can’t understand why you’re taking time for yourself see the above step. After all, the person you have to come home to at the end of the day is yourself, so you may as well be happy with that person.

The One Kind Thing


I made it a habit to start asking myself every day, “What is the kindest thing I can do for myself right now?” Even if I felt like shit. Even if I felt like I didn’t deserve it. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. It can be as simple as a snack. It can be giving yourself permission to cry it out. It can be silence. It can be whatever your version of kindness looks like. Write it somewhere. Set a reminder. Do the one kind thing until it becomes second nature.

I think these steps made me realize that I can create my own love and happiness without looking for external validation. When you live and come from that place, no one can ever tell you shit.

As said in Steven Universe: I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me / I don’t need you to love me, I love me.

When you already got yourself, it’s a beautiful thing.


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