Like the title says, I’ve had a cyst in my wrist for quite some time. I decided to take care of it this year because it’s something I’ve put off for a while. Also, I’ve really been trying to up my yoga game this year which is difficult because of it.
While it’s not actively painful, it’s by my joint and I can’t do all the planks and chaturangas that I want to. My wrist won’t let me. It gives out far before my muscles do and I’m left rubbing it for a good hour after my work out.
Needless to say, it’s not pleasant.
But your girl has medical insurance and PTO now so I figured now was as good a time as any. I’ve been actively doing yoga for about five years now and I want to start doing those awesome inversions you see on the covers of yoga magazines. But… to take the next step, I have to do something kinda scary and get minor surgery.
I thought it was going to be something really simple. Just, cut it with a knife or poke it with a needle and be done with it. My roommate had a cyst out last year the same day he went to have it looked at and the procedure was pretty quick. He didn’t even think they were going to do it that day!
So when I made the appointment, I figured, “How bad could it be?”
I really need to stop asking that question.
Apparently, getting a ganglion cyst out is a little more complex than that. Specifically since it’s near a joint. It’s an outpatient procedure, but it’s one that I’m getting general anesthesia for which is something that I’m blessed to say I’ve never encountered up to this point in my life.
And I’m sure it’s not THAT big of a deal as I’m making it out to be in my head, but it’s jarring nonetheless. I’m scared, but I know I have to do this because the pressure isn’t getting better and it’s not going away.
But man, the thought of getting put under is just alarming. I’m sure it’s a natural feeling to be afraid of something like this.
Even if it’s something very small. Even if it won’t take very long.
I keep reminding myself that the last couple years have been kinda scary and I’ve come out the other side stronger. Maybe this is just another one of those things that will make me more of a bad ass.
I’m writing about it now for a few reasons though. First and foremost it’s for myself. I come back to these posts every now and then and remember my triumphs. My angst. My pain. My joy. What headspace I was in for that time in my life. In a few days maybe I’ll laugh about this whole thing once I get past the unsettling, mind-numbing panic humming just under the surface.
I’m also writing this as a way of working on my own vulnerability. I read in a book by Brene Brown that it’s our vulnerability that connects us. It’s the raw feeling that helps us grow. It allows others to feel that empathy of “I get this. I’ve felt this.” You know. That good, fluffy shit your therapist wants you to talk about.
As much as I can be a ball of sunshine, I wanted to record my downs as much as my ups to show the triumphs I face along the way. Maybe it will inspire bravery and greatness along the way. Who knows.
And lastly, since I have no idea how anesthesia is going to affect me, I’ve decided to do a fun experiment. I’m going to write part of my blog for Wednesday in advance. That way, after I’m all drugged up, we can all see what happens from there. Could be funny. Could be the literary version of a Dali painting. Kind of like this time I got really sick and had to take codeine. My brain went nuts and gave me a wonderful dream about being a mermaid surrounded by mermaid kittens in seashell helmets carrying tiny tridents. I was Mermaid Queen of the Sea Kittens in a warm Caribbean sea. That’s the power of drugs. So God only knows what my brain will conjure up under the influence.
Anyway, pray for me if you believe in that. Or send well-wishing. It’s always nice to hear. Meanwhile I’m going to be brave. I don’t have much of a choice.
…But I feel hopeful.