Can Someone Tell Chris Evans To Chill?

I used to listen to this Podcast called “Thirst Aid Kit” which sadly produced its last episode at the beginning of this year. For those of you unfamiliar, Thirst Aid Kit was a podcast hosted by two black women – Bim Adewunmi and Nichole Perkins of Buzzfeed – who openly thirsted about fine men.

The format of the podcast was simple: introduce man, talk about his body of work while also talking about his body of work. The hostesses would wrap the whole thing up by reading their own real people fanfiction of said person in question which made my fangirl heart explode.

I. Love. This. Podcast.

It was classy and rarely crass in a day and age where the art of subtlety is lost on many. It was sexy. It was fun. I highly recommend it.

But that’s not why I’m here today, folks.

I’m here because I follow Nichole Perkins on Twitter not only because she’s a delightful human being, but every so often, she gifts us with these gems:

I get that if you have external genitalia, you have to adjust. I do.

But, Sir.

SIR.

Bim and Nichole had the blessed privilege to interview Chris Evans who seems like a pretty humble guy. He was surprised that women thirsted over his beard in Captain America and laughed shyly when complimented on his thirst-inducing status.

This leads me to believe that Chris Evans still doesn’t get HOW FINE WOMEN THINK HE IS.

IF HE DID, HE CERTAINLY WOULDN’T HAVE DONE THIS.

Jesus.

Why are his eyes closed? Why do BOTH HANDS move towards his thighs?! Why did he decide last minute that the right hand was better?! Why did his hands move SO. SLOWLY?!

CHRIS.

SIR.

You played a character that’s still part of the same universe that touts the phrase “With great power comes great responsibility.”

You gotta be more careful with that thang.

Lest my – and everyone else’s – ovaries explode.

fire warm radio flame

 

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